Mary-Ellen Harper Turrill at 7 1/2

Morning Homework.

She asked for headphones to block out noise...and at that moment I knew she was my daughter.

Love you big girl.

***

New Years Eve and Getting Older

On New Years Eve the kids got to have their pals Mikaela and Mason over... :) 

The festivities and crafts abounded.

And in a totally unrelated subject, I bought this book to read with Mimi 

(at the recommendation of Julie...she's been my go to about all things..face care, carseats, Stitch Fix..thanks bestie ;)

I skipped some parts, but the parts that Mimi seemed ready for, we read. It was good. I'd rather have her learn things from me than from kids on the playground.

It seemed like a great idea and I was patting myself on the back for being such a progressive, smart mom.

And then the next day she was knocked up:

Ha! Just kidding. But all of that baby talk prompted her to go to my closet and dress like this (and dress Bode like daddy ;)

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In that thread, these kids are getting bigger. Sometimes the days are so long that it seems we're just constantly stuck in the same long day. But we're not. They're growing fast. I've had a few instances lately that have prompted me to realize this fact.

ONE:

These trucks all went on Craigslist. There was a time when Bode couldn't accumulate enough construction vehicles. Now I can't remember the last time he picked them up. Getting rid of these and the matchbox cars really made me nostalgic.

Also, a few months ago I made a basket full of books I knew Mimi could read. They included lower level books, early readers and repeating books. I thought it would be useful.

I blinked and now she can read ANYTHING. CRAZY.

Also, as clothes are getting too small for me (yes, adults grow too..just out and not up!) I realized that I can give them to Mimi. Now THAT is a weird weird place to be in. She is now sporting my old Chi-O shirt from Sorority Rush at CU as well as some super hero leggings that I probably never should've been wearing from the Juniors section at Kohls.

This is just the beginning I'm sure.

AND, lastly...

Mimi does her own hair.

...or tries to.

(I had to be tactful to tell her that she needed a little help in the back without completely exasperating her...which seems really easy to do lately. Lord help us in the tween/teen years). I took this picture to ask if that's how she was hoping it looked. Luckily, I was able to "help" a little. 

Oh these kids. So big, yet still so little.

I'll be here, trying to soak up every season.

xoxo

Meet Some New Emotions! Angst and Far in the Future Worry!

There are new feelings in our house. Actually, just A LOT of feelings in general. Man, sometimes a mood hits our family and we wonder where it came from and when the little people we live with will ever be happy again. Sheesh. It's been one of those times.

But I have noticed that some of these feelings are new. And being that child development is interesting to me, they've stuck out as "more mature" feelings. Of course a baby is well acquainted with "happiness" or "sadness"..but what about angst? Or sadness for someone else? These are new.

***
The other day Mimi was watching "Ramona and Bezus." I walked down to check in with her, and she just welled up with tears. The movie was making her sad :( There were some "bigger kid" issues in the movie (made from a beloved book) like her dad needing a job, and Ramona feeling left out from her family. It was so strange to see Mimi crying over something that didn't directly impact her. Suddenly she seemed so big.

Also, she's dealing with a familiar feeling that I remember from childhood: not wanting to grow up. Most kids (like Bode right now) can't wait to be bigger/taller/older; the bigger the number, the more clout you have with your friends. But the other day I commented on how old Mimi was getting and she flat out said, "I don't want to get bigger. Then that means I won't live with you anymore." :( Heart-wrenching. I remember at that same age telling my mom that I wanted to just always live right next door. Thank goodness for the teen years that God built in to help both mom and daughter break away. 

That's Mimi's new feelings.

Now for Bode. 
His favorite catch phrase recently?
"________ is THE WORST."
(you fill in the blank).

"SCHOOL IS THE WORST"
"LEAVING THE HOUSE IS THE WORST." 
"TAKING A BATH..."

The list goes on and on. It's hard to not crack a smile with the conviction that he exclaims the "worstness" of things. To keep things light around our house (with all of the emoting going on) Ben and I will whisper to each other that something is "the worst." We giggle every time. Poor little buddy. Angst is hard.
(* But, I would be remiss to our family chronicles if I didn't document that Bode really isn't 
"the worst" right now. He's always been a tougher cookie, but he's just gotten older lately-and truth be told-more regular. That DEFINITELY plays into his mood. He's actually pretty precious and sweet and agreeable. Except for when he deems something as "the worst.")

Ahh life. Oh feelings. It's so hard watching your kids navigating life and knowing when to jump in. Also it's hard because I have SOO been there...I know what it's like to be trapped in "a glass case of emotion." So we pray a lot and love on them (and truly) brace ourselves for teen years. Because right now, it's all pretty sweet. 

xoxo

GO BRONCOS!

Bode

Bode at 4 1/2.

*He loves Star Wars. But I've practically tried to drag him to go see the Force Awakens (with his eyes closed in the scary parts I've already seen) and he flat out refuses. He finally looked at me square in the face and said "I like Lego Star Wars. That's for little kids." Hmm..out of the mouths of babes. But seriously, he very earnestly will sing the Star Wars theme song at any given time, mostly while I'm reading a Star Wars book to him, and I've learned to stop reading, almost in reverence, until he's done. He calls Darth Vader "Dark Vader" and Light Sabers are called "Light Savers." He is convinced that Han Solo is the same as Finn (in the new movie magazine we have of Lego characters) and I'm not sure if it's beautiful that he doesn't see skin color, or worrisome. 

*He is getting bigger and taller but is still a peanut. When he wears his PJ pants his legs look so tall and skinny. When he also pairs that outfit with his giant red Lightning McQueen slippers I about die from cuteness. When I carry him upstairs if he's fallen asleep on the couch (it happens often) he's feeling heavier and harder to manage. So, I kiss him and his sweet soft face even more before I lay him in bed because I can see that he's growing up. It's also in those tender moments where I just can't help but beam when I look at him that I hear Julie's wise words on being a boy mom: "I'm loving him to give him away to someone else...the goal is that I WON'T be the number one lady in his life forever." and it's a wise and good reminder. Even though I think I may want him to live in that little twin bed forever.

*We're constantly trying to school him on being a gentleman. This includes holding doors for people and the time-tested "ladies first." He obliges and actually insists that Mimi always goes first, and I will pretend that this is because he's sweet and not because he has strong opinions on always wanting to go second (for some unexplained reason).

*Which brings me to the fourth thing about 4 1/2 year old Bode. Even though he's growing up and is SO much more reasonable about life (which finally makes our lives not so ...well...miserable), he's still so dang UNreasonable about certain things. 

1. He has VERY strong opinions about smells. This can pertain to his blankie (the dirtier the better...duh), food (nothing weird-smelling and nothing that has that fake cheese smell) and the other day he leaned over and asked to smell Mimi's breath. It was very, very weird. 

2. He also likes water. Not just any water though..."cold cold cold cold cold water with ice in it."
Also ANY beverages. He's obsessed with beverages. He asked to have apple juice AND chocolate milk at Chipotle. His life is complete when we have "red lemonade" (raspberry lemonade) on hand.

3. He won't eat something that is different than what he's used to (typical I think). Goodbye fancy restaurant's homemade mac 'n cheese. In fact, goodbye ANY mac 'n cheese that isn't EXACTLY what he's accustomed to. It's embarrassing. 

There's probably more but I've chosen to block them out I'm sure.

*He loves to play "Star Wars wrestle" with Ben and also loves the Avengers character Nova. 

There's so much more, but I just wanted to make sure to take a small snapshot of our growing, blonde-headed boy. 

****

So Many Mom Feelings

I have so many feelings lately. Maybe it's all of the time inside, but I have so many dialogues/worries/questions/concerns/doubts swirling in my mind at any given time. I think that we all do. 

Here's Edition ONE

There are so many moments that I just want to get right (and so many sources telling me that I'm getting it all wrong). In the realm of technology for instance. Our generation is BOMBARDED: phone, TV, computer...all of the time. And if we are, then our kids are too, if not more! I wish I knew how to navigate this uncharted waters. I wish I didn't always hear   "your kids' brains are FRYING. Thanks to you"  or "That other mom does it WAAAY better" or a personal favorite: "Everyone is judging you" on a constant reel in my head.

The fact is, other people are judging, because they are doing it different, or older generations are shaking their heads at us because they didn't have this to contend with.

 Because of that later group,  I feel like our generation of parents are forced to fend for ourselves in this great wilderness and unknown frontier where no one has been, littered with iPhones and blinking lights. {I do understand that every generation has that thing that no one has had to deal with before in parenting} . That being said, one day I'll read an article that says it's all fine in the realm of screen time  the next day I'll read that screen time is the cause for all things bad in our kids. 

However, when I take time to breathe, there's a still small voice in my head that says (and a heart that knows) it will be okay. My friend Kristina who has navigated through this recently  with her boys who are sort of grown, is so quick to give me a warm, empathetic, tender smile and say that her kids watched TV all of the time and they are doing fine...they are in AP history, have lovely, compassionate personalities, can talk to adults, have friends...etc. 

And I myself remind Ben of our extreme freak out session in the hospital the night after Mimi was born. We felt like we wanted to give her a pacifier, that's what our parenting instincts were telling us, but thanks to Boulder County who takes things WAY overboard and is the self-appointed authority on all things health, we were told that this would in fact, ruin our child. Seriously. It wasn't until the night nurse (after our second baby in this hospital, we learned that the night nurses were the normal, reasonable, more in touch nurses) took us down a notch and told us that pacifier or no pacifier, it wasn't going to be the end of the world; it was like an emotional "smack into reality." Ben and I looked at each other and climbed off our fear boats heading into crazy town and gave our little 9 lbs of joy a freaking pacifier. Guess what? She was happy for those three days while she had to wait for milk, happy (sort of) while she had to "sunbathe" that damn bilirubin out of her precious , jaundiced baby body and then wanted nothing else to do with it for the rest of her life. And, after looking back at that story, it all seems so clear and it's evident that what seemed like SUCH a big deal back in that moment, in fact, wasn't.

So, I guess this blog is cathartic in that way that I can type out my own voice and combat that horribly critical one with a little dose of truth and reality. And I'm thankful for Jen Hatmaker whose book I'm reading who is coming along me and saying these same things; We've got to all CHILL out a little bit. I know it will be okay. 

But, stay tuned for the SECOND EDITION of "Mom feelings" where I dig into how to talk to your growing girl without inducing shame.

It will be riveting.

***

Colorado History Museum

Daddy was off ALL winter break. Wow. So many times it feels like we need to choose between rest/downtime and doing fun things. But for these two weeks, we had time to do both!

POPPLES! (at the retro toys exhibit).

 There was a spot that had cards for people to write what they wish they could see in their neighborhood..like a park, or something. This is what Mimi wrote, unsolicited..xo

And sometimes when the boys in your family have had their fill of the museum but the girls haven't, the girls wander a little more, put on the Barrel Man's outfit and ask a nearby 8 year old to take a picture for you. No shame here folks.

****

Oh, and we put ourselves in an old yearbook..