What do a spring break road trip to Mexico and hiking alone have in common? For both, you wait until your home safe to tell your mom that you went. 😁 (True story).
When I was little, Belle was my favorite Disney princess. More and more lately I literally hear her song running through my head: "I want adventure in the great wide, somewhere! I want it more than I can tell!" It's true. I really do. I've already diagnosed that I'm an enneagram 7 who is a glutton for experiences. (For those who don't know, the enneagram is like a personality type...but so much more). Honestly, it's instructed my life so much during times when I feel ashamed by how I can't turn down concerts, planning more Disney trips or making my husband get up at 4 am to accompany me on Saturday morning hikes. It's not a bad thing, but can be a blindspot if I lean too hard into this natural tendency of mine.
This morning, I went for a solo hike. In the dark. Even I was like, "is this safe? Am I crazy for wanting to do this?" But after some research and reaching out to a friend who adventures in nature a lot, I decided that I would be safe and that there would be plenty of people around. So I did it. I'd kept a mental list of hikes I wanted to do before the season was over and Lake Haiyaha was tops on my list. People kept posting about this milky blue lake in Rocky Mountain National Park and I was having major FOMO. What sane person, who taught all week AND had parent teacher conferences wants to wake up early on a Saturday morning? But, I knew that adventure gives me life. And more and more, being in nature really does restore my weary soul.
Usually adventures seem like a good idea if just one person signs off on it. But this time, my normal co-signer Ben said a big "no thank you." Which I was really grateful for. I don't want a partner in crime who is with me under obligation, especially when I realized that I needed to set my alarm for THREE FOURTY-FIVE AM to get up to RMNP. That seems ungodly on so many levels. (I didn't have a park reservation, which started at 5, so as long as I got through the unmanned entrance before 5 am, I'd be good to go). So, with a pile near the door of pepper spray, a headlamp, snacks, camelback and hiking boots, I turned in early on Friday night with a plan to go hike Lake Haiyaha alone.
When I cruised up the mountain to Estes Park and through the RMNP entrance at 4:54, I felt like a freaking super star. Had I been a few minutes late, I'd have to turn back around and do the drive of shame with no hike under my belt. With I Take My Coffee Black by Tyler Merritt playing on Audible, I felt another rush of victory as I pulled into the Bear Lake parking lot with plenty of spots to spare. All of these things are super familiar if you've ever been to Rocky Mountain National Park. Bear Lake parking is like the holy grail. There are so many amazing trails accessed by this trailhead. However most times, unless you've done like I did and set your alarm for a time no one should wake up for, you'll be turned away by "LOT FULL" signs and are forced to take a shuttle from another location. I tried this in August with Bode, and let's just say, unless I'm waiting in a crowd for a bus to take me to the Magic Kingdom, I don't want to be waiting for a bus. It's more that waiting in a long line to get on a overstuffed bus to go to a packed hiking trail isn't really what you want when you are trying to get into nature, you know?
So, VICTORY! Through the gates without paying or a reservation, then into a coveted parking lot! I felt like an expert hiking maven already. The concern on Ben's face the night before at the prospect of me hiking alone AND the concern on his sleepy, 3:45 face had me feeling nervous. However, pulling into the Bear Lake lot put all of that to rest. Though the lot wasn't at capacity yet at 5 am, it was filling fast with other overly ambitious folks like me. People were streaming out of cars with headlamps and backpacks, ready to take on this trail in the dark. I immediately knew that my friend Shawna that I had reached out to the night before was right, there would be tons of people on the trail.
So I joined the ranks and put on my beanie and camel back and heading to the trailhead, powered by the feeling of pride and having really committed to have a solo adventure. Just in front of me there was a group of women who I hiked near most of the trail and their chatting and beams of light made me feel like I was safely snug with people around. Honestly, there were groups everywhere. I was the only person hiking alone. But let's be honest, "alone-ish."
What a crazy experience though! Definitely out of body. It was dark and the stars were magnificent. It was my favorite kind of trail, one boxed in with tall trees on every side and the wet smell of moss in the crisp, dark air. It's funny to feel on a pilgrimage with strangers, but we were all on the same mission. I was only awkward and overly exuberant two times: once when I swore a woman in a group of ladies who had stopped on the trail was a girl I knew and said "Jesslyn?" (It wasn't Jesslyn and I regretted being the kind of person who just goes for it with confidence in those situations 😖). And, when I awkwardly offered to take a group photo of the women I had been tailing the whole time, but when they got to the lake and couldn't make up their mind which way to go for waaay too long, I just quietly exited stage left and never saw them again. (I mean, come on, I was hiking by myself for a reason. If I wanted to have to crowd source every decision I would have also come with a group of strong female personalities).
Anyways, it was an amazing hike. I was fueled by pride that I'm the sort of person that really does enjoy being alone. It's one of the things I like most about myself. Years of being an only child, with a head full of thoughts and ideas has primed me for moments like this. Even though I'm talkative or outgoing (at least that's who I've grown into), I am an introvert. I recharge by being alone. That's when I get to think out all of the big things that have been rattling around in my brain and feel inspired to have big ideas. Being alone is like an iphone being plugged into a charger. And considering that I'm a wife, mom, teacher...I'm never really alone as much as I need to be to be the most charged version of me.
******
The hike down was actually my favorite part. Seeing the magnificent beauty of what I hiked by in the dark honestly brought me to tears. There were some overlooks that took my breath away. From one spot you could see the lakes that liter the Bear Lake trailhead and the mountains were sprinkled with yellow aspens. The good thing about being alone is that you stop and unapologetically take a million pictures with no worry that you're holding anyone else up. (I definitely left the sunrise on the beautiful lake earlier than any of the other hikers and with the confidence of daylight on my side, found the true solitude that I had been craving). I had time to pray and thank God for such a beautiful spot, for time alone and for a healthy body to be able to hike. I also had time to be thankful to Ben for understanding who I am as a human and for saying "no thank you" when a pre-dawn hike wasn't on his weekend to do list.
The morning was capped off by a walk around Sprague Lake to see if I could catch a glimpse of the moose that had been sighted there recently. The lake was smooth as glass and reflected Hallett's Peak and the yellowing aspens in bright splendor. But no moose. Until, on the drive home (slightly deflated by yet another moose-less jaunt) I pulled off on the side of the road to see what all of the onlookers saw. I muttered under my breath in a way that only a snotty Colorado native would, "it better not just be elk." But was greeted by friendly sightseers who pointed out a munching moose, hidden in some trees. I honestly squealed. If you know me, you know moose sightings are a big deal and I will drive all over looking for one. I took too many pictures and got in my car, with the satisfaction that only a day being adventurous, alone and bathed in nature (WITH A MOOSE SIGHTING) could give.
*EPILOGUE*
I haven't written a blog post since 2020. Are blogs even a thing? But the fact that I am, just shows what happens when I'm alone and creatively inspired. I miss writing. And if no one but my mom reads this, and my words have a place to go other than residing in my head, rattling around. I will be happy. I always say it, but in the words of the great Macklemore, "I have some words and I cannot let them die in me."
xox, mackenzie
