Still Amateurs

About a week after Bode was born, I sat staring adoringly  every little perfect piece of him and noticed something strange.

When I uncurled his tightly clenched newborn fists, I saw something dark gray/blue where his tiny fingers connected to his little palm. It was like a line. I could never get a good glimpse at it because he always had his fingers curled tightly together. I made Ben come over and look. I immediately diagnosed it (because I've watched Grey's Anatomy) as a little exposed vein that maybe still hadn't had a chance for skin to grow over. Ben jumped on board with no questions asked, so I figured that explanation made sense (but we were still reeling from having a newborn and probably not in our right minds). We reasoned that he was born a week early, maybe that exposed vein was part of the territory.

Until later that week when I put Bode in the bathtub. I uncurled his fingers once more to try and wash his sweet chubby fingers, and used my washcloth to brush over the "problem spot." The "exposed vein that didn't have enough time to get covered with skin because our baby was born a week early" WASHED AWAY. It was LINT. 

(So much for getting my M.D.)

I share that story because even though we've been down this road once before and aren't "first time parents," it doesn't mean we're immune to the insecurities, worries, self-doubt that come with having another baby. It's not as bad, for sure- it's nice knowing it all works out in the end and our little decisions aren't really AS big as we make them- but it's still not a walk in the park. 

When Bode started eating solid foods, I was rushing to my books and doctor handouts for directions." Is it carrots first, or peas?" "Do I feed him rice cereal EVERY DAY?" "What time?" It was like I had never done it before.

And now we're trying to let Bode "cry it out" a bit at night to tame his habit of waking up every 2-3 hours. Its SO right to do. It helped teach Mimi to become a great sleeper (I think it was part us, part maybe just who she is) but I'm so in line with the validity of "sleep training." But it's still SO HARD. Even though I know it's best and have a living, breathing three year old example to look at, and a husband who's been down this road cheering me on, I hate hearing my baby cry. It goes against every fiber in my being. I'm conditioned to respond. So last night, with the help of "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" on TBS, I tried to shut off that part of my brain that wants to go pick up my little Bode and we let him cry. A few times. And it all worked out okay. He even slept until SIX! Hallelujah! We all five (Henry the cat was with us) woke up and cuddled in our bed to start our day and everyone was all smiles. 

Having one kid under our belt doesn't make us experts by any means. So I will continue to pour over my "sleep books" and pull out my 20 question long list of concerns at the pediatrician, and we will keep trying to do our best.

At least I will maybe think twice before trying to diagnose any medical status for awhile.